


It Ain't Fiction, Just a Natural Fact

by heyginger



Category: American Dad!, Criminal Minds
Genre: Crossover, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 12:34:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10741797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyginger/pseuds/heyginger
Summary: Spencer is dating Roger the Alien.





	It Ain't Fiction, Just a Natural Fact

“Spencer. I feel like I’m stealing material from old episodes of ALF,” Hotch says, “but when you said you were dating an alien, I…” he trails off and all three men turn their heads in unison to look over at Roger, who’s wobbling on yellow, peep-toe heels and fondling JJ’s hair. Hotch clears his throat. “…I thought you meant someone from Mexico.” He sounds like he’s trying to talk with a deflated balloon lodged in his throat, wheezy and strangled.

Garcia walks in, drawn to the spectacle by Prentiss’ discreet text, and Roger toddles over. He introduces himself as Bethany Kennedy Parnassis, holding his arm out limp-wristed like he’s waiting for a kiss. Eventually, Garcia half-bows, awkwardly, and Roger pulls his hand back, reaching into his nubby pink blazer and pulling out a liquor bottle.

Spencer turns back to face Morgan and Hotch, face earnest. “The CIA asked me to work with him,” Spencer tips his head a little bit, considering, and then corrects, “Look after him. He…gets into trouble sometimes, on his own.”

“Babysitting duty?” Morgan asks, sounding mildly disgusted. “It’s not like we have crimes to solve or anything.”

“He’s an alien,” Spencer says, sounding as frustrated as he ever gets with his colleagues. “He’s from another planet. He was taught things about physics and quantum chemistry as a child that we’re still 20, 30 years away from even beginning to understand. The amount that I can learn from him—”

Spencer’s interrupted by Roger sidling up to Morgan and leaning in close, squinting up at him. “Your head looks like one of Emanuel Lewis’s balls,” he says, and jabs with his elbow, angling it up to catch the side of Morgan’s abdomen and not his upper thigh. “Huh? Huh?” When no one chimes in with their agreement, Roger hiccups, then says, “Hahaha-ha, no seriously, that’s just the coke talking. Ignore me.” He pats Morgan on the forearm and leans in, whispering, “I just threw up in the bathroom, you might want to call someone,” before he walks away.

“Okay, he’s a scientific marvel. But—you’re dating that?” Morgan asks. Roger’s wig is tipping dangerously and it looks like his little pillbox hat is about to fall to the floor.

Spencer shrugs. “He’s interesting. And he’s got a lot to offer. His penis, for example, converts carbon dioxide into wind energy…imagine how useful that technology could be.”

Hotch is choking again, and his face is a bit splotchy, but he manages to rasp out, “His…penis…?”

Slinging his bag over his shoulder, Spencer nods. “Well,” he says, tipping his head thoughtfully, “…one of them.


End file.
